Call me arrogant and obnoxious, but I got into every school I applied to and as it gets closer to May 1, I will have to decide where I will go to college.
Choosing where to go to college is the biggest decision of my life so far. In the next four years, I will make lifetime friends, gain my independence and receive an education that will lead to a great job. Seeing as this decision will determine my future, I have chosen to make my choice in the most ethical and serious way: choosing the coolest mascot out of all the schools.
The first two schools I got into were Penn State University, whose mascot is the Nittany Lion, and Towson University, whose mascot is the Tiger. Lions and tigers are cool because they are strong and vicious. Opponents drive up to the stadium shaking, because they are anticipating the attack of these cats. However, having a cat species for a mascot is so unoriginal; so many schools have felines for the face of their school. I got my “cat-fix” during my past four years at Walter Johnson, and I loved it, but it is time to move on.
Next we have the George Mason Patriots and the University of Massachusetts-Amherst’s Minuteman. Both are symbols of the American spirit, which is pretty cool. My favorite subject in school is U.S history, so any of these two schools would be a perfect fit for me. The Patriot and the Minuteman would intimidate and fight off opponents with guns and cannons, so it would be guaranteed we would win. However, these two symbols of patriotism may be too violent for me. Anyway, if you were to take their weapons away, they wouldn’t be able to defend themselves. Having weapons as a mascot won’t be sufficient for me.
Next on deck we have James Madison University whose mascot is a duke, which is a type of dog. Without a doubt, I cannot go to this school: I am a cat person and would feel like a traitor to my fellow feline fans. The thought of a dog slobbering all over the opponent grosses me out! I need a mascot that has good hygiene and doesn’t obnoxiously bark all the time. Also, the opponent could be a leash on the dog and then it would be helpless. Sorry, Dukes, you’re not the school for me.
Our next mascot to evaluate is the University of Delaware’s Blue Hen. Yes, it is as lame as it sounds. What does a hen have going for itself? I guess the hen can fight off opponents by laying eggs for them to trip over. I can’t go to a school whose mascot can be turned into my dinner. Next school, please.
Just as I thought I was not going to go to college because I couldn’t decide on a school, the University of Maryland’s mascot, the terrapin that is named Testudo, came out from its shell and surprised me. At first when I was told that their mascot is a terrapin, I laughed out loud at the thought of turtle being the symbol of the school. Turtles are slow and boring, how could I take pride in something like that? However, after some deep self-reflection, I have realized that the terrapin is the coolest mascot out there.
When fighting off other mascots, Testudo can go inside its shell to protect himself. Some may view this as being cowardly; I interpret it as being strategic, which is a quality necessary for survival. In 2005, USA Today named the terrapin the fifth most non-threatening mascots; to me this makes the terrapin extremely likeable. The most important reason as to why the terrapin is the coolest mascot is because how many other schools have a turtle as their mascot? In addition to being strategic and likeable, originality is another character trait I value.
It is clear that the University of Maryland is the school for me. Its mascot is strategic, passionate and is liked by all. So forget traditional pro-con lists and multiple visits to the campus to figure out where to go to school. Picking the coolest mascot is the way to go.
