Dear Tilly,

I’m really confused and don’t know what to do. My best friend just got a new boyfriend who is really hot. One time I FaceTimed her and he picked up, so we talked and I felt like we connected. She has had boyfriends in the past who have never interested me, but this guy is different and I don’t know what to do. Do I go for him or do I hold back my feelings and flash a smile to the happy couple?

Sincerely,

A lost friend

Dear Lost Friend,

It’s not necessarily a bad thing to be attracted to your friend’s boyfriend, or even to have feelings for him. What matters is whether or not you act on those feelings. If you find your friend’s boyfriend attractive, then that’s great- it means she has a hot new bae. It’s honestly not a big deal if you don’t make it one. The question that you really have to ask yourself is how important your relationship with this friend is to you.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not in any way telling you to go and steal her boyfriend away from her, or to not follow your heart. I’m just saying that you could end up breaking up a great friendship. It may not matter to you, and you may end up being super happy with this guy, but the reasoning that she could get another boyfriend is garbage. It shouldn’t even matter how fast she could get another one; all that matters is that she is happy right now. The best thing to do would be to set boundaries with him. Talking is fine, if its not explicitly.

If you respect their relationship right now, and want to wait and see if they break up, then that’s cool. If they break up, it is fair game for you to go for him. I might even go as far as to ask her if she is OK with you dating him once they have broken up. I know that it is hard to see someone else happy when you’re not, but it’s best for your friendship to try being happy that your friend is happy.

Sincerely,

Tilly