And yes, I know that the internet is always expanding, eager to better itself daily. Don’t get me wrong, usually, I’m all about the “more the merrier” mentality. But not this time. John Wayne said it best: “This town ain’t big enough for the two of us.” I’m talking to you, Twitter.

Tweeting? Really? As if the Facebook status updates weren’t ego-stroking enough, I’m supposed to actually be interested in reading about how my friend just can’t seem to understand “why Fluffy has been throwing up all afternoon and oh yeah, does anyone know what yellow cat vomit signifies?” Or how that obnoxious third cousin “can’t BELIEVE how high his SAT score was, especially with no prep or study-aids! Harvard, here I come!”

The only thing more dangerous than 17-year-olds with 140 characters allotted to notifying the world about their current status is Britney Spears with the same allocation. Or Republican House Representative John Culberson of Texas, who tweet-attacked Democrats eager to restrict government officials from using Twitter, YouTube, etc. Or even Martha Stewart, who recently tweeted to her loyal followers about her unlikely lunch date with rapper Ludacris. Apparently, he was “just charming” and “loved the chocolate cake!” The hundreds of celebrities who have joined the so-called “Twitterverse” could just be the most dangerous thing in social-networking sites since teenage girls flogged the Facebook search engine when it was reported that Robert Pattinson, aka Edward Cullen, was enrolled on the site under an assumed name.

Still, is it possible that all my animosity towards Facebook’s idiot cousin could just be fear of the unknown? I will admit that I don’t have a Twitter account, my knowledge of it limited to the one profile I have viewed, which belonged to a friend who will remain nameless (“It’s like being at a seedy nightclub without leaving home!” she shouted, a little too excitedly.) Maybe what’s really irking me is the weirdness of having celebrities communicate firsthand with their fans. Before the age of the social-networking sites, what we knew about those elusive characters who lurked around Hollywood and showed up in movie theatres bi-monthly was limited to the pages of entertainment rags.

But that was it. We certainly never got to talk to them or even find out what was on their mind, unless they happened to give an interview on E! or perhaps issue a press release detailing the lawsuit they were filing against aforementioned gossip rag for defamation. Maybe I am just afraid of celebrities reaching out, crossing the divide and sharing their intimate thoughts through Twitterspeak.

Then again, it could be the name. Doesn’t it remind anyone else of some half-witted friend of Barbie that Mattel wants to market to the impressionable five-year-olds of today?