A few days ago, the rumors of Danielle and Zack’s break-up hit the internet and caused an outcry. Fans of The Pitch Online were devastated, and unfortunately, as an editor-in-chief for the past year, I can confirm the rumor is true. Danielle and Zack have exceeded expectations with their distinct style of writing and unique sense of humor. Though Danielle was originally a sports writer, her transformation has surprised all. Zack was also good. It will be sad to see them go.

With love,

Evan Candelmo

Editor-in-Chief

Zack’s sign off:

How do you measure a semester? In daylights? In sunsets? In cups of coffee? For me, the semester was measured in articles. Artfully crafted pieces of literary gold, our bi-weekly blurbs were a fantastic way to express ourselves and share our wealth of knowledge with our loyal fans. My life has been completely changed thanks to the success of Zack and Danielle. It started out as a radical idea, two scrappy young writers trying to cut down on work by dividing it between two people. No one thought it was possible. Firecracker editor-in-chief Marissa Nardella was infuriated by the idea of a collaborative article while fellow EICs Evan Candelmo and Amanda Gross simply laughed at the idea, believing it too big to pull off. Not to be discouraged, Danielle and I worked tirelessly day and night to ensure that every Danielle and Zack article was a success. Being a part of Danielle and Zack has truly been one of the greatest chapters of my life, and I am incredibly sad to see it come to a close. Obviously it’s incredibly selfish of Danielle to drop this class and end our wonderful partnership, but our relationship is strong enough that I know that in time I will forgive her. As I fall asleep each night, just as alone as I was before all the fame began, I’ll take comfort in the number of lives Danielle and I have touched through our work together. It has been a journey that I’ll never forget. Thanks for staying with us until the end, our loyal readers, it’s been a great run. This is Zack of Danielle and Zack, signing off.

Danielle’s sign off:

When I signed up to take the Pitch, it was on a whim. More of a schedule filler, I never knew that spending my senior year third period in the WJ writing lab would make such a large impact on my life. The partnership that Zack and I have is a force to be reckoned with; together we have taken our journalistic abilities (under the leadership of our heroic editors-in-chiefs and Ms. Wendy Borrelli) and multiplied them to new heights. Ever heard that saying two heads are better than one? Well that is absolutely true. A wave of devastation washed over me when, due to a schedule conflict, I realized I had to leave the Pitch for second semester. So I want to apologize to you, our dear readers, for letting you down. And to my partner in crime, Lord Zachary William Shapiro the First, I just want you to know that I couldn’t have done this without you. You are my muse. You are the stars to my sky, the straw the my berry. Thank you for standing by me. This was an incredible experience. I will never forget our little taste of fame as we consistently wowed all of our readers with our pro tips and warm-hearted stories. I hope you all can forgive me for letting you down, and I love you all so very much. This is Danielle of Danielle and Zack, signing off.

Typically, this is where we like to share our individual pro-tips, valuable insights that our readers seem to love. However, as this is the final Danielle and Zack article, we decided to combine our brain power and come up with these incredibly useful pro-tips to guide our readers for the rest of their lives. Without further ado, here are the final pro tips we will likely ever release:

1. Want to learn how to clap one-handed, but can never find time to practice? Take a few minutes to hone your skills after washing your hands in the school bathrooms, not only will it improve your clapping skills, but it will also dry off your hands (since we all know that there won’t be paper towels). If you don’t wash your hands after going to the bathroom, you can use this tip when exiting a swimming pool or other body of water.
2. Can’t keep track of your pens and pencils? Get a job at a school or office supply store and shamelessly steal all the school supplies you need.
3. Need to restore your faith in the world? Two words. Brian. Fairall.
4. Want to avoid getting hurt? Don’t want to break any bones any time soon? Lay in your bed and never get up. Then there’s no way you can tear your ACL!
5. Want to increase your vocabulary? Start reading the dictionary. Make sure you read at least 15 minutes page.