The official student newspaper of Walter Johnson High School

The Pitch

The official student newspaper of Walter Johnson High School

The Pitch

The official student newspaper of Walter Johnson High School

The Pitch

Mustachioed Men of WJ Form New Guild

I was once like you. I wandered the school each day going, from class to class like the lemming of my formal self. It was a mind-numbing routine full of futility. I used to constantly think to myself, “Hey. Why is my life deficient in artistic value? Why can’t I accomplish something that gives my life a profound meaning?”    

That was until I found out about the life-changing group of rag-tag dreamers known as Facial Hair Styling Club.

I entered the club’s premier meeting on a Friday in late October. I took a seat in the back, awaiting the commencement that I would later look back on as my enlightenment. It was at exactly 11:07 a.m. that day that the club president, junior Joseph Fustero, ascended to the top of a table and presented himself to the crowd. He addressed us much like a preacher does his congregation. I was awed by the respect that Fustero commanded in that room. He was a god among mortals.

Fustero’s inspiration in starting the club can be described by no words other than his own.

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“So, my sister caught me using my mom’s razor to shave my armpits,” confessed Fustero.

Although about one-fourth of the groups members are incapable of growing any quantitative amounts of hair on their faces, all the members work towards promoting the club and its vision.

Fustero, a man of few words, founded his club on a vision.

“My vision is simple,” said Fustero. “I seek to revive the once prominent lost art of facial hair styling.”

This club is by far the best thing to happen to this school in quite a long time.  The Facial Hair Styling Club is the only club in existence that seeks to make a significant impact on the world around them. Sure, Amnesty International Club gives aid to humanity, as does Peace Club, but it takes a beard, a razor, and a group of go-getters to accomplish something momentous. Ideas like a 12 blade razor and the shaving cream-attached straight razor are innovations that are truly going to change people’s lives.

While teachers like AP Language and Composition Karl Savage have done their best to promote the club’s vision, I am disappointed in some staff members who have turned their backs on the art that is facial hair.

“I was getting pressure from the homestead to shave it,” said Assistant Principal Christopher Merrill on his recently cut moustache, “But don’t think I won’t grow it back.”

Luckily for those in the club, the tight-knit camaraderie can withstand the lack of support among our peers. 

On a tragic note, it has come to my attention that Savage has shaved off his facial masterpiece. All facial hair enthusiasts will mourn the once notorious mustache-beard combo that graced his  face and this school.  

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