The official student newspaper of Walter Johnson High School

The Pitch

The official student newspaper of Walter Johnson High School

The Pitch

The official student newspaper of Walter Johnson High School

The Pitch

Curveball: “Honest” Superlatives

The controversy that the senior superlatives cause has inspired me to do something. Something drastic. Something that I have chosen to do because not only do I not see the big deal with senior superlatives, but also because I am bitter at not getting one (Best hair? Best eyes? Best smile? Come on, guys.). So, via The Pitch I have come up with my own superlatives. Now, according to our advisor, the honorable Hilary Gates, I’m unable to announce the winners of my “honest” superlatives (something about “libel” or whatever), but here they are, for all of you to see, with a brief side note on some.

Most likely to do time for yayo.

Most likely to get old.

Most likely to assault a celebrity.

Story continues below advertisement

Most likely to sell out.

Most likely to be a creep (In photos, real-life, etc.)

Most likely to write an angry blog and take themselves waaaaay too seriously.

Most likely to start a grow-op.

Most likely to live off Mom’s couch.

Most likely to touch a goat’s funny parts during a frat pledge.

Most likely to fail.

Most likely to wish he was in West Virginia. (Churchwell)

Most likely to have his clock microwaved. (Churchwell again)

Most likely to blue themselves. (The Tobias M. Funke superlative)

Most likely to put themselves through school by farming World of Warcraft gold.

Most likely to destroy something beautiful.

Most likely to grow an awesome moustache.

Most likely to be shown black-out drunk on the Jumbo-Tron at a college football game.

Most likely to date one of the Olsen twins.

Least likely to date one of the Olsen twins.

Most likely to stalk one of the Olsen twins.

Most likely to make a pass at Ms. Ellen.

Most likely to do a touchdown dance at graduation.

Most likely to get rich and spite everyone who made fun of him/her in high school at the ten-year reunion.

Most likely to keep sending pointless school-spirit Facebook messages after graduation.(“F*** up Churchill’s Sh**!, etc.”)

0
0
Leave a Comment
Donate to The Pitch
$775
$1000
Contributed
Our Goal

Your donation will support the student journalists of Walter Johnson High School. Your contribution will allow us to purchase equipment and cover our annual website hosting costs.

More to Discover
About the Contributor
Abby Singley, Online Editor-in-Chief
Abby Singley was on the Pitch staff since her sophomore year, and as a senior, she was Online Editor-in-Chief and the Print Copy Chief in 2010-2011. The previous year, Abby was the first online editor-in-chief, and was also a copy editor during her sophomore and junior years. She is excited to be involved with the up-and-coming Pitch Online and help bring news to the WJ community in a faster, more innovative way. When not scanning the online administrator page or copy editing articles, Abby likes reading pop culture and news magazines and Web sites. Although she does not know where she is going to school yet, Abby will be entering college as a journalism major next year.
Donate to The Pitch
$775
$1000
Contributed
Our Goal

Comments (0)

All The Pitch Picks Reader Picks Sort: Newest

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *