The controversy that the senior superlatives cause has inspired me to do something. Something drastic. Something that I have chosen to do because not only do I not see the big deal with senior superlatives, but also because I am bitter at not getting one (Best hair? Best eyes? Best smile? Come on, guys.). So, via The Pitch I have come up with my own superlatives. Now, according to our advisor, the honorable Hilary Gates, I’m unable to announce the winners of my “honest” superlatives (something about “libel” or whatever), but here they are, for all of you to see, with a brief side note on some.
Most likely to do time for yayo.
Most likely to get old.
Most likely to assault a celebrity.
Most likely to sell out.
Most likely to be a creep (In photos, real-life, etc.)
Most likely to write an angry blog and take themselves waaaaay too seriously.
Most likely to start a grow-op.
Most likely to live off Mom’s couch.
Most likely to touch a goat’s funny parts during a frat pledge.
Most likely to fail.
Most likely to wish he was in West Virginia. (Churchwell)
Most likely to have his clock microwaved. (Churchwell again)
Most likely to blue themselves. (The Tobias M. Funke superlative)
Most likely to put themselves through school by farming World of Warcraft gold.
Most likely to destroy something beautiful.
Most likely to grow an awesome moustache.
Most likely to be shown black-out drunk on the Jumbo-Tron at a college football game.
Most likely to date one of the Olsen twins.
Least likely to date one of the Olsen twins.
Most likely to stalk one of the Olsen twins.
Most likely to make a pass at Ms. Ellen.
Most likely to do a touchdown dance at graduation.
Most likely to get rich and spite everyone who made fun of him/her in high school at the ten-year reunion.
Most likely to keep sending pointless school-spirit Facebook messages after graduation.(“F*** up Churchill’s Sh**!, etc.”)