Dear Anders,
There is a kid who sits three seats away from the window in my fourth period. He is cute, nice, funny and wears wonderful clothes (especially his shoes). How do I tell him how I feel? Should I tell him immediately?

– A Lover

Dear A Lover,

The first step to a relationship is always religious stalking and blood sacrifices to Satan. Next step, start having conversations with this person…until you realize he isn’t that interesting and you only want him for his body. After that, go to his house in the middle of the night, take pictures of him sleeping and collect enough of his skin flakes to make a doll-replica of him. That’ll be sure to achieve your happiness. Or, y’know just go up and start talking, ask him on a date and forge a meaningful and long-lasting relationship. JUST KIDDING! That never happens, so you should probably just do the first idea. Don’t get caught!

Sincerely,

Anders