*This article was published after the event happened but nevertheless reflects the thoughts of the very important Anders Norberg. 

After a crushing defeat during the Homecoming Court, I have been biding my time for another chance at earning the glory and adoration of the school. Finally, after almost three months there is another chance for me to achieve greatness. Mr. and Ms. WJ is an annual P4P event where six boys and six girls compete for the chance of being crowned Mr. and Ms. WJ and two free prom tickets. The event consists of three competitions: casual wear, talent and formal wear.

This year I will compete and I shall gain the crown to become the greatest student in all of WJ. I’m not claiming that I am superior to all my other competitors because it’s basically fact. I’m not insulting their abilities or talents, but some people are born with perfection and others are simply inadequate when compared to someone as godly as me. None of them stand a chance when I perform my talent of sacrificing goats to summon the ghost of wrestling legend Macho Man Randy Savage, only to then wrestle him into submission.

After my dazzling, spectacular and mind-blowing performance, I’m sure the entire crowd will erupt into appluase until their hands bleed. The judges will simply end the show right there and award me the title, crown and tickets as Mr. WJ. In fact, they’ll be so amazed by my existence that they will award me Ms. WJ as well.

After that day I will be known as King and Queen of WJ, and my word shall be law. When I walk through the halls, students will bow to me and pray for my blessing. Teachers will gift me A’s and thank me for being the best part of their days. Dr. Starr will grant me the ability to cancel school, and I will…for me only. Everyone else gets school forever and I get free ice cream and I win.

This isn’t fantasy because this is what actually happens to the winners of Mr. and Ms. WJ. And I should know since I won and was gifted the power of time-travel to go back into the past and win again and again. It’s a never-ending loop of victory.

Also this is a joke.