Instead of your usual Super Bowl picks, MVPs and predictions for the playoffs, the four intelligent and attractive sports gurus of the Pitch staff will look at the NFL from a different angle this winter. David Riva, Colin Buley, Mateo Williamson and Corey Goldstone give their take on what has gone down in the NFL season.
Most intimidating player?
DR: He is not a player, but Raiders owner Al Davis trumps everybody in this category. Legend has it, if you look into his eyes for more than 30 seco nds you turn to stone. So that’s what happened to Bill Callahan…
CB: Plaxico Burress. Nothing says intimidating like shooting yourself in the leg.
Thug lyfe!
MW: Troy Polamalu. Don’t be bamboozled by his luscious locks. The muscle milk in his locker sits right next to his Herbal Essences.
CG: Ray Lewis. He looks like he has been taking steroids since he was in the womb. Did I mention that he killed two people? Allegedly…
Suprises of the year?
DR: Sebastian Janikowski missed a 76-yard field goal. Am I the only one that was shocked? After such a bold attempt, I will never question the Raiders again.
CB: Plaxico Burress. What were the odds of him doing something stupid this year, like shooting himself in the leg? 3:1? That’s technically a suprise, right?
MW: The Lions. Who would have guessed that they’d go 4-0 to become the NFL preseason champions?
CG: Mike Singletary. Coach ‘Sing,’ as he is called, stormed the scene this year by calling out Vernon Davis for being a lazy, overpaid underachiever and then benching him at halftime saying in a news conference that he was a better help to the team taking a shower than playing on the field.
Most embarassing individual performance of the year?
DR: Against the Saints, a team sporting a defense that rivals that of WJ’s, Vikings running back and everybody’s All-American Adrian Peterson ran the ball 21 times for… wait for it… 32 yards!
CB: Plaxico Burress. He shot himself.
MW: Against Baltimore, running back Brian Westbrook was pulled down and tackled by his jock strap. Think about that for a second…
CG: Tatum Bell. After being cut from the lowly Lions, Bell proceeded to steal his replacement Rudi Johnson’s bags at team headquarters. Bell denied it. Apparently he did not know that the team’s security videos clearly showed the theft of the bags. According to Johnson, the Gucci bags contained socks and boxers.
Most hated figure?
DR: You. Really. I hate you.
CB: Take a guess…
MW: I hate Joe Flacco with a passion. I would take his mother out to a nice seafood dinner and NEVER call her again!
CG: John Madden. Since coming out with the Madden series in the ‘90s, all Madden has done for the world is state the obvious more times than I can count. His most intelligent comment since he went on T.V.: “The team that wins the game usually is the one that scores the most points.”
