In the late evening of Friday, March 29, two large cavalries of WJ juniors and seniors took their positions in a neutral zone, ready to settle the age-old dispute over the student lot. The fight went down in history as the most punches thrown yet least real physical damage to ever come of a fight in all of MCPS.

Tensions had been building throughout the school year. A more and more juniors were getting their driver’s licenses, often after many failed attempts at the drivers test, they decided that the five minute walk from Davis Library was too much to bear in the frigid hours of the morning. Tensions rose to the point that junior Teddy New decided it was too much and left WJ in hopes of better parking in the west coast. A fight was brewing.

Before the battle, junior Amelia Fink voiced her concerns with the imbalance of power at WJ.

“The walk [from Davis] is ridiculous,” Fink said. “The seniors think they have some kind of authority because they are the oldest, but they don’t know what’s coming to them.”

The “what’s coming to them” soon followed. That evening, both grades made their way to The Towers, a place riddled with hidden secrets of WJ’s past. The rules were discussed beforehand, both sides signing a contract that ensured that the winners would get a monopoly over the parking spaces.

Some of the rules were as follows: No ripping, stretching, or harming of grey Champion sweatpants. Mooing, meowing, or making any sounds resembling that of a WJ mascot were also prohibited. The most important rule was, “nothing below the ankles.”

In response to the event, the security team had a meeting and decided to take a “hands-off” approach. Although they didn’t intervene, Head of Security Pat Rooney and the rest of the officers made an appearance to the event, popcorn in hand.

“Sometimes you just have to let the kids hash it out,” Rooney said. “We were tired of ticketing the juniors anyways.”

It all started with a band of Hondas and Jeeps pulling up to the edge of the battlegrounds. The juniors charged, but their assault was short-lived and poorly executed. Fearing defeat, the discouraged third-years attempted to flee the battle, but to no avail. The thirsty seniors pounced, but before they even reached the remaining juniors, white flags had been raised. The battle was won, the war complete. The seniors won the lot once and for all.

“They didn’t even give us a challenge. We won fair and square,” senior Kamyab Pirouz said. “Hope the juniors enjoy the exercise in the morning.”

Junior James Kinsella was among those who raised the flags of defeat and made the discouraged drive back home from Towers.

He has declined to comment.