Review of The Giant Spider Invasion

Sadie McMullen

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Okay boomer
December 11, 2019

Photo Courtesy of PETA

Pictured above is one of the many gargantuan arachnids to appear in “The Giant Spider Invasion”, that is sure to evoke dread, terror, and despair from all who encounter it.

Review of The Giant Spider Invasion

What does every feel good movie need? If you answered large fake spiders, I have just the movie for you. “The Giant Spider Invasion,” directed by world famous horror movie genius and mystery man, Benedict Arnold, is the perfect mix of horror, family, marriage, and you guessed it, SPIDERS.

This movie is not your typical romance movie because it takes it to the next level by adding the impending doom of the spider invasion. What is more romantic than the threat of being eaten by an oversized spider?  

“The Giant Spider Invasion” takes the viewer through the six stages of grief, festering marriage, adulterous affairs, illegal underage relationships, pure and utter denial, a priest preaching about survival in the dire times, and most of all, acceptance.

“The Giant Spider Invasion” not only has a gripping plot, but a stellar cast as well. It has firsts and lasts, as it was Meryl Streep’s first movie, and Ronald Reagan’s last before he ran for president. It was Nicolas Cage’s best movie he ever acted in his entire lifetime, as well as Lindsay Lohan’s first onscreen appearance out of rehab. Adam Sandler and Arnold Schwarzenegger make special guests as Spider Hunters, adding both a serious yet humorous twist. The acting is showcased beautifully, as Ronald Reagan and Lindsay Lohan have a forbidden love, with Lohan being under the age of consent.

The movie features an original score produced by Gustavo Roque an eccentric icon who introduced the world to prestigious producing, and composed by none other than John Williams, the scoremaster behind Jurassic Park, Star Wars, and Home Alone. The title song, The Giant Spider Invasion takes a page from classic overture, Crazy Frog; it has no singing, only mumbling for an eight whole minutes of bliss.

The crown jewel of “The Giant Spider Invasion” is the special effects. As an Oscar nominee, it mopped the floor with its competitors. The secret behind the lifelike arms and legs of the spiders is that Stonewall Jackson’s amputated arm was taken from its grave to make a special appearance. The spiders move with such grace despite them all wearing different shoes and ice skates throughout the entirety of the movie

The end of the movie is really a full circle moment as it starts off with a mysterious black hole opening in a small Wisconsin town, and ends with local NASA scientists closing the gateway to another dimension, draining the spiders of their energy, and turning their ungodly bodies into sludge.

Overall this movie is what I want playing on my deathbed, as it is such a masterpiece. The combination of all the elements that makes a movie one for the ages, are all so beautifully and skillfully combined into one magnum opus. This unforgettable movie is one everyone needs to see numerous times throughout their lifetime. “The Giant Spider Invasion” will guarantee that you are moved to tears, while simultaneously laughing and feeling pure joy and fear in this monumental work.