The Pitch

Churchill vandalist apprehended

Steven Roth, News Editor

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On January 30, Walter Johnson high school students were greeted with what appeared to be graffitied messages on the football stadium walls and the ticket booth. Similar images were found on the stadium at Churchill High School, sending both schools into a fervor.
“The messages graffitied onto the walls and on the ticket booth were inappropriate and wrong,” freshman Michael Endrias said. “I hope the individual that committed this criminal act of vandalism is caught and punished accordingly, to the fullest extent of the law.”
Unfortunately, several weeks after these acts of vandalism had been committed, the Montgomery County Police Department still had no suspects in custody, and the only evidence they had were a few faint paw prints near both crime scenes, which confused the police even further. Therefore, the department started offering a $10,000 reward for anyone who had information on the true culprit. Instead, many people, especially students, started turning on one another — in scenes eerily similar to but fortunately less violent than The Hunger Games — and reporting false accustions to the police in hopes of collecting the $10,000 reward.
“I just turned in Senior Class President Sean Mahoney,” senior Bryce Auster said. “I want that $10,000 reward, plus he’s always bothering me to do my work in the Pitch class. Managing Editor? Try managing behind bars in jail.”
Many individuals were arrested and released after the award was made public. As a result, the police had an even more difficult time identifying the culprit. That was until newly discovered evidence finally revealed the identity of the real culprit, who was right in WJ’s midst all along.
Initially, these acts were thought to have been committed by students of WJ or Churchill. However, the real culprit was WJ’s Wildcat Mascot, who was recently apprehended by local authorities. Churchill high school Principal Joan Benz reported the Wildcat after seeing a photo on WJ Principal Jennifer Baker’s Twitter page of the Wildcat standing in front of the graffitied messages with a spray can, along with the hashtag “#spraypaint.” The Wildcat mascot had surely committed these acts of vandalism, which would explain the faint paw prints leading away from the scene of the crime.
“I was very shocked and disappointed that this was happening,” Baker said. “It really surprised me. Who knew that the Wildcat mascot was behind these two incidents all along?”
Vandalism of public property is a felony and defined as “malicious destruction” under Maryland law. This can result in imprisonment for up to three years with possible fines of approximately $2,500. Suspension and recommendation for expulsion will not be on the table.
The Wildcat was escorted out of the building, loudly professing his innocence as he left school grounds, never to be seen or heard from again.
“I have been framed,” it repeatedly said. “This is a grave injustice.”
But the crowd that gathered to watch this remarkable event, with the school mascot being taken away in handcuffs, were not convinced.
“I was shocked,” senior Buckley Sake said. “I could not believe that the Wildcat was the culprit all along. But now that I have seen the evidence, I am certain it is guilty. If only I checked Ms. Baker’s Twitter page, I could have gotten the $10,000 reward and learned more about what was going on around school.”
The reward money that Churchill received was used for their senior prom. Surprisingly, WJ’s Mad Cow mascot was seen dancing in the background at the event.
“It is the beginning of a new era here at WJ,” the Mad Cow said. “Who knew my hacking and photoshopping skills would one day come in handy. I will now be the only mascot at WJ. Mad Cow for life.”

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One Response to “Churchill vandalist apprehended”

  1. Cranges McBasketball on April 25th, 2017 7:57 am

    snakes

    [Reply]

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Churchill vandalist apprehended