In a stunning move by the freshmen, sophomore, junior and senior class officers, the SGA has been formally impeached, with the leadership class officially subpoenaed. The move comes as the school is doing exceptionally well, culminating in intrigue for a legal process that could alter the school for the remainder of the year. Leadership has already been subpoenaed.

WJ’s very own newspaper, The Pitch, is also being subpoenaed for a possible coverup story. The newspaper wrote an article about Melanie Schwed stepping down back in February, but many now believe Schwed was stepping down because she knew leadership and SGA were about to go under. The Pitch would like to apologize for our serious past mistake but we admit nothing and are confident to be exonerated in the hearings soon.

The power to impeach the SGA was actually hidden in a document in the WJ archives beneath the media center, so no class officers have been aware of this power in the past 50 years. Nonetheless, when one student stumbled into the archives when he took a wrong turn on the G floor, which is still a very confusing floor for some, he happened to come to the official document. He leaked it to class officers who unanimously pushed to impeach the SGA and subpoena leadership and The Pitch.

“Things have been going amazing this year for the school, but at the same time we are very excited to conduct some formal hearings against the SGA and feel this process out,” said the press secretary for the class officers. “Go cats!”

Indeed, morale has never been higher at WJ. But, you can’t blame the class officers for having a little fun and risking the entire student government and perhaps the entire student body, for if the SGA is removed school is canceled indefinitely according to official documents. The class officers are collectively called “Doing a fun legal process at WJ for a couple of weeks” coalition.

Past and present government teachers are being called to be official judges of the process. Law teacher Fred Delello is now the most sought after lawyer in the school, with SGA reportedly offering him a package of 5 million dollars for the case. The class officers have reportedly offered Delello 4.8 million plus another 1 million in incentives if he can win the case. He has declined for comment, but he did give us a quote.

“If either side throws in Bills super bowl tickets they have me,” Dellelo said. Representatives for SGA and class officers are adamant that they won’t risk the investment for a team that continually falls short in the playoffs.

“No way we throw in Bills super bowl tickets. They won’t play in that game until they learn how to stop Mahomes,” said a rep for SGA.
Indeed, this public embarrassment for the school has delved into football hot takes, and WJ’s own sports debate club hosted an emergency meeting to address the Bills question. The club officers had to be evacuated when the meeting turned riotous. Buffalo Bills quarterback Josh Allen issued a formal statement on behalf of his team with regards to the incident.

“I’d like to apologize for any violence at WJ. My teammates and I are all upset about what has happened and hope that WJ will find peace soon,” Allen said.

It will be interesting to see how this process ends up, but we’d like to stress one final time that the Pitch is completely and unequivocally innocent. We’d also like to also apologize for our wrongdoing/corruption in February.