The official student newspaper of Walter Johnson High School

The Pitch

The official student newspaper of Walter Johnson High School

The Pitch

The official student newspaper of Walter Johnson High School

The Pitch

Ask Ali: Stuck in the Friend Zone

This is the first installment of Ali’s advice column for the Pitch online. Feel free to write in to [email protected] to share your questions, concerns, embarrassing stories, or suggestions!

Dear Ali,

So there’s this boy who I really like, but he just considers me a friend. We’ve been friends for years but now I’ve completely fallen for him and I’m pretty sure that he doesn’t reciprocate any of these feelings.

He sits in front of me in math class, and all I can do is stare at his head, dreaming about what it would be like for him to like me back. My grades are starting to slip. All I can do is think about him, and when I see new Facebook notifications from him I get jittery, hoping it’s him confessing his feelings for me — but it’s always just a question about homework.

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This is getting to be too much. I’m afraid it is going to come between our friendship because I’m having trouble being myself around him. To make matters worse, he dated my best friend for a few months last year, and I know she would be really mad if I “made a move.”  Can girls even make the first move? HELP!

Sincerely,

Stuck in the Friend Zone

—–

Dear Stuck in the Friend Zone,

Oy vey, I’ve definitely been in a similar situation! The way I would normally go about this issue is by creating a Pro-Con list. Unfortunately, there’s rarely ever one right answer, but hopefully this list will help you weigh the potential consequences of your actions.

First of all, of course girls can make the first move! If you decide to have a conversation with this boy letting him know your feelings, the main Pro would be getting closure on your crush, whether it be in the form of an affirmation or a rejection. Obviously the best possible outcome would be some sort of relationship, but either way, once you know, you’ll finally be able to focus.

The Cons of having this conversation, however, are many. First of all, any move on your part has the potential to alter your friendship with the boy. If he isn’t interested, it may be difficult to go back to the way things were. Second, you definitely don’t want to hurt your best friend’s feelings. Your girl friends should come first. Also, your grades should never suffer because of a boy! Some distractions are expected, but if your GPA starts to fall because of a crush who you don’t even think is interested — trust me, it’s not worth it.

It sounds like this crush is mostly built up in your head; if you don’t think this boy is interested, he probably isn’t. I wouldn’t risk perfectly good friendships to “make a move” in this particular situation. I think once you make a solid decision for yourself, the distractions and daydreams will decrease and you can get your grades back up.

However, I don’t want to discourage you too much — if you really feel that this boy is your soul mate, have a conversation with your best friend explaining the situation and essentially asking for permission to make a move. If it’s meant to be, you won’t regret it!

Sincerely,

Ali

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