Journalism teacher Wendy Borrelli miraculously grows to 6’11 overnight


Baxter Roberts

Journalism teacher Wendy Borrelli now towers over the editorial board. Few have tried to defy her since her massive height change.

BREAKING NEWS: The Pitch and Yearbook staff director Wendy Borrelli has miraculously grown two feet. Borrelli claims to have no idea how she grew, saying she woke up one morning with her legs hanging off the bed. At a now towering height of 6 ’11, Borrelli has reevaluated her career choice as a high school journalism teacher and is now considering a career in the WNBA.

Washington Mystics general manager Mike Thibault has shown particular interest in developing Borrelli’s career, saying that a prospect like her could be on par with the hype of Victor Wembenayma. Borrelli would be the tallest ever WNBA player and is expected to go number one overall in the 2023 draft, with many teams tanking for a chance to secure her.

Only time will tell if Borrelli has what it takes to make it as a WNBA player. In the meantime, she has taken to the school gym, absolutely dusting 5’3 freshman with ease. A show match between math teacher and boys basketball coach Kevin Parish and Borrelli is set to take place later this week to a packed house. Tickets sold out within five minutes of going live, and it has been rumored that the cast of First Take will be on the scene.

First Take host Steven A. Smith quickly wrote off Borrelli’s unexpected growth spurt as a mere fluke, and her lack of skills would never allow her to play. He also noted that this would NOT affect Lebron’s legacy, despite what most mainstream commentators say. Borrelli responded in a short tweet, reading, “I could posterize you in my sleep.” Steven A. Has yet to respond to this accusation.

Overall, the future looks bright for Wendy Borrelli in the WNBA. What she lacks in technical ability, she makes up for in towering height and a bright attitude. The team here at the Pitch expects Borrelli to cement her name with WNBA greats like Brittney Griner and get inducted into the Hall of Fame.