The official student newspaper of Walter Johnson High School

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The official student newspaper of Walter Johnson High School

The Pitch

The official student newspaper of Walter Johnson High School

The Pitch

John Roller wins Nobel Physics Prize

Physics+teacher+John+Roller+side-eyes+a+delinquent+student+in+his+physics+classroom%2C+the+same+room+where+he+invented+a+perpetual+motion+machine.
Seyun Park
Physics teacher John Roller side-eyes a delinquent student in his physics classroom, the same room where he invented a perpetual motion machine.

WJ physics teacher John Roller was awarded the Nobel Prize in Physics Monday, April 1 for his invention of a perpetual motion machine, capable of producing at least 1.21 gigawatts of energy per second.

“In terms of importance, this is right up there with the inventions of the wheel, sliced bread and gravity,” Stockholm University President and Nobel Foundation Chair Astrid Widding said.

A perpetual motion machine, which physicists have attempted to construct for centuries, is a machine that constantly moves, generating energy without requiring any energy put into it. Roller’s machine has been characterized as a huge breakthrough, shattering previously-held laws of thermodynamics.

“For the longest time, we always thought that the laws of thermodynamics prevented a perpetual motion machine, but what Roller has produced, it’s simply next level,” MIT Physics professor Dr. Bryan Bishop said.

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A new law of thermodynamics has been written to reflect Roller’s research and was universally accepted and adopted by every physics institution in the world early Monday morning.

Roller attributes the inspiration for the perpetual motion machine to one of his students in his Honors Physics class.

“It all started with this one delinquent kid in my class who just wouldn’t sit down. He was always moving with seemingly no end, really just like a perpetual motion machine. That was the eureka moment,” Roller said.

Roller would not reveal the student’s name out of fear of retaliation from the student. Other Roller students expressed their support for Roller.

“If you know Mr Roller, this does not come as a surprise at all. The Nobel prize was the first step but I know he’s also gonna get the Medal of Freedom, an ESPY, an Oscar, a Grammy and a Pulitzer Prize,” junior Madeleine Simmons said.

In his acceptance speech, Roller thanked his students, mentors, family and friends for their support.

“I’ve been lucky to have been helped by so many people across my lifetime. I want to say thank you to everyone who has loved and supported me but I also want to say thank you to my haters. You guys were the real reason I got this done,” Roller said.

Roller stated his research will next turn to harnessing the power of the perpetual motion machine for good.

“I mean the opportunities here are endless. We could cure cancer, solve world hunger, and find the Holy Grail and still have energy left over,” Roller said.

A biopic of Roller’s life is also now in the works, according to director Martin Scorsese, who offered Roller $100 million for the rights to a movie about him. Scorsese’s vision includes star actor Timothée Chalamet, who would portray Roller in the film.

Roller’s seminal paper, stretching over 2000 pages long and explaining his machine in detail, has been published in leading physics journals, The New York Times, People Magazine and the latest edition of the “Diary of a Wimpy Kid” series. Reviewers and readers have lauded Roller’s writing and research.

“Yeah, I think I saw his paper. I honestly don’t really remember much of it. But his last name is ‘Roller’ and that sounds pretty physics-related to me, so yeah, must be pretty good,” reviewer and Harvard University professor Dr. Tracy Macallister said.

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Seyun Park, Print Editor-in-Chief
Junior Seyun Park is in his third year of the Pitch, happy to join this year as a Print Editor-in-Chief. Outside of Pitch, Seyun plays tennis and cello, and likes to follow hockey.
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