The Pitch

Charles W. Woodward comes back from the dead and takes mascot, forcing Walter Johnson students to come up with new mascot

Sean Mahoney, Managing Editor

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Everyone loves the furry feline who represents our school: the Wildcat. His whiskers and graceful expression on his face have been a staple for generations. But recent events require a fashion change. With the recent talks about Charles W. Woodward High School coming back to Bethesda, there have been threats that they will take back the Wildcat mascot, leaving WJ students in a crisis.

   With our high school bare and naked like Andy Samberg after a crazy night in Vegas, it is time for the students to find our new mascot. There have been many designs submitted, but here are the top ones:

   The Walter Johnson Doge: The doge is a staple of america and many students at WJ hope to own a doge one day. The eyes of the doge are exquisite, capturing the essence of many WJ students. The whiskers represent the variety of students at our high school and the complexion of the fur is a manilla white tone that many people would like to see in a mascot. The goal is to strike pity and laughter in the heart of opponents so that they can’t concentrate on the game. This mascot might be the one to take the cake.

   The Walter Johnson Eastimes: The love child of science teachers Mr. Jamie Grimes and Mr. Brock Eastman is something that can capture many people’s attention and is a darkhorse in the competition. The swimmer’s body of Grimes matched with the facial hair of Eastman makes for one manly, lanky baby. A dashing smile and eyes that make science teachers’ hearts melt is something that catches the attention of all teachers across the county. But this mascot’s variety of costumes, from Buzz Lightyear and Woody to The Flintstones, the costumes Eastime can come in are impeccable and can fit any situation. Definitely the most attractive option.

   The Walter Johnson Jinxes: First words that come to mind when people think of the Jinx: Powerful, Sauve, HOT. The frightening purple blob Pokémon is one mascot that is definitely unique. The long, blonde, luscious locks are almost as defined as Presidents Trump’s toupee, giving us a style edge over all other schools in the county. The round dress and powerful, popping pink lipstick is very daunting to go up against. The face emulates the face of enemies when they see us, and the changing of the school colors to burnt pink and blonde would be a refreshing change for WJ students.

   Walter Johnson Hairs: Last but certainly not least, one of the most prominent figures in sports, and one of the top things that come to mind when athletics comes into a conversation: Lebron James’ hairline. The receding nature of it relays our students efforts to adapt to different situations and keep moving forward. Also, the altitude of it on James’ head shows how far above we all are to our competition. Not to mention the exquisite headband that occasionally graces it, which will give us a variety of looks when it comes to uniforms. We would take the standards of normal hairlines and surpass it!

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Charles W. Woodward comes back from the dead and takes mascot, forcing Walter Johnson students to come up with new mascot